needlinthehay

saw Topaz and Edmar Castaneda trio tonight at Knitting Factory old office w/little

they were both incredible, edmar needs to be seen, and Topaz was like an organic whole breathing together
ridiculous.

ignite a stare
a lonely stare
six bird-like shadows on the wall

and they stare back
no that's absurd
lonely though not alone at all

conversely seated and conversing
and god knows what fills up the air
sad-happy faces make me nervous
but even so, choose one and stare

the shadows flutter
door cracked open
drafts make them anxious
them and me

the waiter stutters
som'mor coffee?
i stutter back
the water's free?

I'm gonna keep the tab on all the books i've read, ever. Should be fun, here it goes.

1. Sign of the Beaver - Speare
2. QB VII- Uris
3. Mila 18 - Uris
4. Lost Childhood- Yehuda Nir
5. 1984 - Orwell
6. Animal Farm  - Orwell
7. Lolita - Nabokov
8. King Queen Knave - Nabokov
9. Invitation to a beheading - Nabokov
10. Pale Fire - Nabokov
11. Pnin - Nabokov
12. Despair - Nabokov
13. Tom Sawyer/Huck Finn - Twain
14. The Mysterious Stranger - Twain
15. We - Zamyatin
16. Brave New World - Huxley
17. Crime and Punishment- Dostoevsky
18. Brothers Karamazov - Dostoevsky
19. Notes from the Underground - Dostoevsky
20. Memoirs from the House of the Dead - Dostoevsky
21. Poor Folk - Dostoevsky
22. Jailbird - Vonnegut
23. Player Piano - Vonnegut
24. Cat's Cradle - Vonnegut
25. God Bless you Mr. Rosewater - Vonnegut
26. Mother Night - Vonnegut
27. Breakfast of Champions - Vonnegut
28. Sirens of Titan - Vonnegut
29. The Godfather - Puzo
30. War and Peace - Tolstoy
31. Death of Ivan Ilyitch - Tolstoy
32. Big Sea - Langston Hughes
33. My Name is Asher Lev - Potok
34. In The Beggining- Potok
35. The Chosen - Potok
36. Master and Margarita - Bulgakov
37. Heart of a Dog - Bulgakov
38. My Teacher is an Alien - Coville
39. My teacher fried my brains - Coville
40. My Teacher Glows in the Dark - Coville
41. My Teacher Flunked the Planet - Coville
42. Vengeance - George Jonas
43. Sarah Bishop - odell
44. Johnny Tremain - forbes
45. Fight Club - Palahniuk
46. Justine - Sade
47. Philosophy in the Bedroom - Sade
48. The Rainmaker - Grisham
49. The Client - Grisham
50. Lost World - Crichton
51. Jurassic Park - Crichton
52. Timeline - Crichton
53. Prey - Crichton
54. Sphere - Crichton
55. Andromeda Strain - Crichton
56. Congo - Crichton
57. Hannibal - Harris
58. Red Dragon- Harris
59. Silence of the Lambs - Harris
60. Hammer of the Gods - Davis
61. Dream Brother - Browne

 

a small consolation as me and my ham have made an all-new exposition, and all you've to do is click

spent the morning/afternoon at hell on russian earth death-trap eat-me-alive bloodsucking nightmare store.

 

there. I feel better now.

watched Naked World, very interesting documentary, I'm lazy so just hit the link up for information.

this is not the blogathon, that has yet to happen.

I'm tired and as you can see its late. 

two more links:

The game to which Chools and I are now addicted.  Eats money like a kangaroo, which incidentally was the word of the slam at the Starry Plough on Wednesday the 5th of January, the blogathon shall answer all your questions.

my first day back from frisco and its quite surreal, words like 'miserable' and 'comforting' come to mind simultaneously and on top of that I'm jet lagged with the miniscule time difference.

The trip was amazing, I won't go into it now that will be the topic of a forthcoming blogathon (which will come forth i tell you)

went ice-skating today for the first time in probably a year and I wasn't as retarded as before on the ice and I daresay it was actually fun though my feet did hurt like hell which I understand is part of the whole thing.

some random links etc:

Black People Love Us - It's probably been around for ages but I've just found it thanks to Little and its funny

Des Animaux - Keeps me sane, please come visit and adopt Samantha immediately!

From my newfound love wikipedia I give you some things I've found as of late (looked up five seconds ago because i like the pictures)

I saw this band in Fairfax, a small town in San Rafael county in California (blogathon to follow)

I have been listening lots to the projects of this guy.  As well as this guy.

I have been reading Jailbird by this guy. I spent the night watching him.

Had enough?

Blogathon (its so trite I love it I love it) to follow

L	Loud
E	Earthy
V	Vigorous

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

what a fucking beautiful night
bathed in fog, wet leaves everywhere,
every single streetlight projects a differently colored mirage onto the darkness
just incredible, and the smell of it all is so intoxicating...

I'm afraid to go to sleep to lose a moment of this, how can i be sure i will ever experience it again?

bored? try going to Archive and typing in the following url: ourworld.compuserve.com/members/fridman ...see what you get.. few of you have known me long enough to have seen this when it was actually up (unless of course there are some ghosts lurking in the shadows checking the profiles of those they used to know)..anyhow i found it amusing, may you will too

Listening: Segovia,, Mahavishnu Orchestra , Tortoise, Jeff Buckley, Critters Buggin, Bonobo et al

Reading: Nietzsche, Poe, assorted intellectual music history, sensationalist trash from the 1840s, Spin magazine

Watching: Mean Girls (A+), Laws of Attraction (ass), The College Plays (excellent), X-Files ad infinitum

-to see a superb adaptation of Bizet's Carmen by Al Dimeola and a Hungarian orchestra go here

-Check out The Exile its a fantastic expatriate magazine based out of Moscow.

so,
I was asked by one of my four friends to update this journaux so the other three can know what's up, i suppose its a legitimate request
and so for putting up with me all these years I humor you now.

Been listening lately to the Mahavishnu Orchestra, I'm really getting into Mclaughlin as a result, the last time I heard him was when I listened to the flamenco album (Friday Night in S.F.) and there he seemed to be eclipsed by Dimeola, but in the Mahavishnu context he's fantastic.

ja rule is quite intriguing, I was content with the season finale of six feet under, Ali G however understayed his welcome, come back borat! I need you so.

I'm reading Poe, its relaxing.

if you play chess, I'm on playsite.com on a regular basis my name is lfny. come and beat me.

what else
i have this fractal image on my desktop and I just saw the repeating pattern for the very first time about two seconds ago, i've had this thing here for months.

keep looking.

my serotonin seesaw had a good time today
maybe I should just do ecstasy, seems to have the same effect except that you get to see more colors, like people more and end up getting more exercise.

we walked a dog named freckles today, it was heavenly mmmmmm

the end of Zuma was a ripoff, kind like "the village" only less predictable.
i had that all along by the way, m.nightshyamallaman you didn't fool me this time mwahaha

remember they used to have a little filler called "brain games" on HBO.?
of course you don't.

well I just did about 5 hours of 4th grade math, combined with a little eighth grade algebra, wtg ETS make the moments last

good night.

tired and nervous
nervous and tired

its all good i suppose.

I spend the day reading Marquis de Sade, I spend the evening watching nip/tuck
the difference i ask you?

i liked pittsburgh, it had a nice river/mountain thing going on

Elliott Smith's "2:45am" and the Cranberries "Zombie" differ by only one chord

Ali G. is fantastic, Kazakhstan kills me.

I scored one hundred points higher on my math than verbal on a GRE diagnostic, maybe it means I have a tumor, or my hemispheres just got confused.

listened to the Simon and Garfunkel greatest hits album tonight, also listened to Fat Joe

what's in your head.

just got off the phone with moscow, it was nice. They bought me a book with "today in st. petersburg history" for every day of the year. aww

so we were gonna go biking today and it rains...sigh...guess i'll go to the golds' beef factory instead, 10 bucks down the proverbial drain

whatever though, no disaster, same time next week

so yeah if someone can convince me that there's no harm in voting for Kerry then i'll vote for Kerry because bush scares me
on the other hand if someone can convince me that Bush will not go through with any of his christian right kill fags make prayer pro life crazy shit then i'll vote for him

if anyone has problems with the fence then they should seriously question their tolerance for shards of broken glass and nails being embedded in their bodice as a result of stepping outside.

yeah so my vacation will be about three weeks in total, i'm kind of getting tired of Queens College, 9-9 on campus is tough

immersion classes are fun though, the ACT daunts my little flock, they'll be taking it at the end of the month. they'll be confronted by such questions as: "Your friend Jane has been awarded a partial scholarship to Harvard and a full scholarship plus room and board at a State University, write her a letter telling her where she should go" or "A tract of land has been freed up in your town the board has two proposals to build a state of the art medical facility or a new power plant, write a letter to the board in support of either decision"

so yeah

my little black book was stolen you know
the one i used to write in;
so occasionally, so so so

even more the reason to propagate the lameness here

even more the reason.

I wonder what the prolonged exposure to airplane noise does to you...I remember wondering about it when I first moved to long island

no one understood what i meant, "what noise?" they said.

incidentally that kid that's been living in my room is here no more.

My chess game is improving; I finally have regained the attention span necessary to play a full game.

Mikhail Bakhtin is quite a boring read, though a god in his own right, a literary deity just like well everyone else...I'm disapointed with Timequake someone should tell Vonnegut

I know the title of the forthcoming Harry Potter title, do you?

today's boondocks is funny; something to the effect of having a white chicks sequel entitled "black dudes" starring mary kate and A as said males in a prison

i'm drawing a

.

Walk through a park, or maybe down a sidewalk, walk walk walk, early evening surrounded by friends and motion youth life and laughter the things you know, walk except you know that any moment a hole is gonna be punched right through the atmosphere and you'll be the only one feeling it, right here right now, all the air is gonna be sucked the fuck out of your bubble, don't bother trying to explain to them that you're about to suffocate but you don't know when, how the hell do you explain that anyway? don't bother, its pointless and what difference will it make, so savor those breaths motherfucker make them last you...

except that the hole just doesn't seem to get punched, its like the line to the hanging just keeps getting longer and longer right before you make it to the front, more people showing up i guess..

every now and then the air thins out though, but not fatally, just enough to get you gasping a little, take some color out of your face, as if the little kid thats trying to punch the straw through your head just can't seem to get the sharp part within the perforations


this is how my life has been for many years now, maybe as long as I can remember.

this morning i came up for air for a little bit, and with little surprise it came to me in the form of a sunrise, with the sun to be a little bit less subjective

does my earnestness bother you? it should you know, another's always should. But remember we are all adults now and it was your decision to peep...the bottom line is I need this here and now, I do, me, and honestly i'm not even sure how you fit, but you'll figure it out for yourself.

I remember very clearly the first time I heard Siamese Dream;

It must have been in seventh grade...I remember how intoxicating the opening of "today" was...I remember clearly Jonathan teaching it to me on guitar, high up on the e string, those notes ringing like chimes

I remember Jon asleep at my side, myself listening to his cd player, riding on the bus along Israel's eastern border, bus-full of soldiers trying to get home to their families before sundown.
Before sundown.

I remember listening to it again in Spain as the sun was coming up, spring of 2000.

and again at sunrise home in the U.S. my last year of high school.

Incidentally I do remember when the hole was finally punched through; it was that following fall.

I don't think I ever told anyone let alone myself but I do remember the exact moment in Rochester when I knew something broke; I was watching a snowstorm and I just couldn't take it.

my phantom hand allready scribbled all this in my little black book. The hand isn't real but the book is.
Allison bought it for me for my 18th birthday.

that morning I had woken up and couldn't think of anything to do but die. My life hurt, my head hurt, my soul fucking hurt.

you think i'm exaggerating; I would have to be wouldn't I?
right?

wrong.

I know something else, as of this morning actually;

I know why billy wrote Siamese Dream

no, though you're close, it wasn't for me.

but as of this morning I know that he meant it, they meant it, every fucking note.


I have no doubt of that as I sit here right now, I don't doubt it.

I don't know what that means to you, but I do know that it is completely irrelevant.

because it means the world to me. my world to be exact.


in my very very limited reading of Nietzsche i came across this;

"only as an aesthetic phenomenon do existence and the world appear justified"

an aesthetic phenomenon..that's what I had this morning

except that something is different now.

after many years (of the few that I've known)

I can feel my life again.

-Lev

so it turns out I can't take Yevtushenko's Pasternak course because its a 1-1 conflict with the music philosophy class..ah what the hell i'll take the music, its honors afterall

saw a beautiful wonderful playful dachsund named Lui today, he was two years old and so so friendly

Kill Bill tonight, woo

mmm mmm mmm

So my pets, here it goes:

chool alex and I saw Air last night, the opener was a puddle of ass of Brasilian origin it stunk like a raccoon with rabid diarhhea, Air themselves were mighty fine and I really liked Hammerstein Ballroom its much cooler than irving and roseland

Stephane Wrembel was again wonderful on sunday, totally rocked my ass especially when the dude in the suspenders came out of nowhere with the trombone, made my night

Ron likes girls; all can apply...while we were inside listening to gypsy la-la Ron was macking it to a soandso francaise, good for you sweetheeart...wtg on the bar she took us to, I think it was called moe's...and bella the Chow at fort greene park was FANTASTIC.

so i'm digging the fog and clouds and flower-feeding-come-on-and bloom my dear plant- weather but i would appreciate sun, sometime soon..would be nice..

yeah, so i'm done with my major apparently, since that "advanced seminar" in translation was an "advanced seminar" and counted as such.

now to fill up another year.

I'm getting a kick out of Nietzsche's "Birth of Tragedy"..I finished Invitation to a Beheading now on to Lolita

I've watched about 9/10ths of "Renaissance Man" starring the crispy creme danny davitto..woohoo

ah yes now i remember:

me and chools went to thith dog pahk where theweh a wholelot of doggiess and gay men the end. it was in chelsea.

done for now.

time management is not my forte:

quick synopsis:

people: i like people.

movies: "Identity" starring Cusack and some other people was very very nice, with a fun solipsist hook, "The Fly" with Davis and Jeff Goldblum was surprisingly un-excruciating..."Starsky and Hutch" was also not painful.

muzak: good god, Stephane Wrembel avec trio was SICK, the best gypsy jazz I HAVE EVER heard in my life.....I also have nothing but good things to say about seeing Aaron Goldberg at the Fat Cat w/Omer Avital & Al Foster; it was fantastic.

Animals: Giant Pomeranian on Hendrickson, Blue Chow next to the U.N., Samoyed somewhere near upper west end of the Park, Feather-Cat around my house, Sandy the chow on the lower east side, Newfie in Barbershop and so many more

yup.

"At least part of what I?m feeling when I listen to music is a kind of displacement, one that involves the constant shock of not actually being able to meet its presence directly, melt into it and achieve the consummation that it advertises. In this understanding, the pleasure of listening is at least partially masochistic. Think of your favorite piece of music as a lap dance: There you are, cowed into a submissive state, perfectly useless to the rest of the world, salivating before its tonal landscape while it wags its ass in front of you." -Brad Mehldau on Brahms

jittery, writing this should do the trick...
listen.

We saw Spivakov at Queens College on saturday night......it reduced me to a quivering drooling shaky mess, it was INSANELY good....the best classical concert i have been to in my life hands down.

the night before, Jul and I saw Brad Mehldau at the Kaplan Penthouse in Lincoln Center, it was way up on top of the Julliard School, incredibly beautiful, Brad as usual was fantastic, while I had a ridiculous migrane headache and would have enjoyed it more without it. He played Paranoid Android which I by then thought I would never hear him play.

I'm running out of adjectives, the hyperbole between the temples is just not expressing itself well...oh the frustration

new israeli place opened up on the corner of main and jewel in flushing, good shit

honors lounge moved to the trailer park, we have been modulated, and its actually quite nice. I feel like eminem

ups to Charlie Haden's "Nocturne" album as well as Rush "Live in Rio" and a lovely hour long video of Tom Waits from 1978.

i entrust my nightcap to vladimir vladimirovich.

WORLD A DANGEROUS PLACE"


"The world is clearly a very unsettled and dangerous place and that's demoralizing to investors," said Hugh Johnson, chief investment officer at First Albany Corp.


Israeli officials signaled that Yassin, the most prominent Palestinian leader killed since Israel's assassination of commando chief Abu Jihad in 1988, would probably not be the last to die. "The waiting list is long," a security source said.



.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhhaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahah...sorry..hahahahahahahahahahahaha....

-------------------------

wow, damn, i'm tearing...that was so good.

---------

so anyway

turns out I have 68 credits and it takes 120 to graduate...as far as requirements i'm 12 away from being done.....that leaves about 40 or so more...hmmmm.summer session here I come!!!!!!

wait one more time i'm sorry...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha did you see the pictures in the papers? the bastard looks like fucking santa clause hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm done.

anyway
and how are you doing?
.